I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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