she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
