I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
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I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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