dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
