i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
