I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
