Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors

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(661): View more from California

I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.

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(512): View more from Texas

Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.

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(847): View more from Illinois

When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.

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(513): View more from Ohio

I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house

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(701): View more from North Dakota

I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.

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