he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
