From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
