Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
