She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
