ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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