I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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