New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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