I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
