I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
