Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I deserve this hangover.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I enjoy the company of your penis
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize