Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
