You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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