I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
