i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
