where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
