just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
