You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
