Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
