No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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