I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
