we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
