yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
