Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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