Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
