All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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