You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
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Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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