You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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