i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
