I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
