i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
