There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Randomize
