my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
