PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
