I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
