i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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