She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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