I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
