I just threw up on my dentist
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Randomize