Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
birth control should be required to get into college
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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