3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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