So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
