I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
