return my video game
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My vagina is officially offended.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
