this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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