The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Send help, water and tortillas.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
