Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
