i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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