Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
