We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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