Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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