No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
