He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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