I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
