we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
