I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
