Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
