OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
