I met the friendliest cop last night
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
