her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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