You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
