I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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