we're blogging at a bar
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
