we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
