I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
