I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
