i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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