There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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