He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
